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First of all, I'd like to say that if you don't have an eating disorder but wish you did and are here to find out how to develop one, please go back the way you came. Wannarexics are not welcome here. Eating disorders are not diets, they are not fads and they are not "cool". If you do have an eating disorder and find anything in this journal helpful, you're welcome to it and I wish you the best. I am here to support others with their disorders and to be supported myself, it's our bodies and we make our own choices. Always remember, you are BEAUTIFUL and you are LOVED! <3 "What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you." -Valerie, V for Vendetta

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Day 9 of the Fast

I felt utterly ill this morning, every time I leaned over I felt like I was going to vomit; I HATE throwing up, I am not bulimic by any means. Finally though, it got to the point where I was gonna throw up one way or the other and it was either gonna be in the toilet or on the floor somewhere. I was trying to avoid throwing up with no food in my stomach, but all that came up was bile; thankfully I feel TONS better now, but this morning was quite unpleasant.
For like 3 days, I've been stuck at 157 lbs! Well, not technically, I've actually been fluctuating between 159 and 157, but I wasn't going any lower than that and I was about to freak the fuck out! Today is different though, I finally dropped to 156, just barely, but I did and that's all that fucking matters! Kind of disheartening though, it means my weight loss slowed way sooner than I was thinking and now I'm down to 1 lb a day instead of 2. It sucks but at least I'm losing weight again.
I've been feeling kind of nauseous for a few days, I wonder if maybe I've been needing to vomit for a few days but just kept holding it back and it was messing with my system.
I'm going out to the store today, I figured I could do with a little bit of light exercise that wont tire me out, plus I need some grape juice, can't take apple juice anymore. I can't believe how tired I am all the time; I mean I know it's from fasting but still.. I tried to chase my kitten around the house yesterday and got tired within a couple minutes.
Oh well, what matters to me right now is weight loss and it doesn't matter how tired or sick I get while doing it, especially if it's working this well. 

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