Success!

I did so good today in fasting, normally I have some juice or something but today all I had was water. I'm quite proud of myself for that. I had zero calories today, so woo, go me! My stomach has been growling most of the day, I love that feeling, when my stomach is completely empty. I feel so good on those days when my stomach growls, feel like the pounds are just melting off with each growl, it's great, can't wait to weigh myself, but I'm gonna put it off till I wake up tomorrow, I find I lose more weight when I sleep on an empty stomach and I've been fasting for a few days now so there should be some progress. I need to come up with some kind of goal instead of just trying to lose as much as I can, that's too vague. Too tired to come up with anything right now though.
I need some calorie-free gum or something for when I'm doing things on the computer to get rid of my oral fixation. I find I want to eat the most when I'm bored playing games or chatting and I certainly don't wanna pick up smoking, screw that.
Oh well, time to sleep, it's late. Let's see how much I lost tomorrow.

Fast food = fast fat

Uhg, I ate a lot today again and I was doing so good too! Then my roommate had to get some taco bell! It was sitting in front of me for like an hour before I finally decided to eat it. I hate myself now. I'd lost like 4 pounds in the days I'd been fasting then I practically get fat shoved down my throat and probably gained it all back with one greasy meaty taco. I feel really full right now, I almost feel like purging to get rid of it all. I'm not one to purge, I just can't stand it, I'd rather starve than purge, but right now I'm quite tempted to go vomit this taco into the toilet. I just can't bring myself to do it though, guess I'll just fast for a few more days and skip going to the store for low-cal food. Out of sight out of mind right? I'll just go out or sleep or hide in my room or something I dunno.
Feel so freaking fat today!

Crime and punishment

I ate so much today.. so many calories, I'm so fat.. I was doing so good when I fasted last time, lost 15 pounds. God I felt so good after that. But I've gained 3 pounds back since then, I guess that's not too bad, but I don't want to gain any back, I want to get rid of it all, I have to get rid of it all. I wish someone could squeeze me like a tube of toothpaste and just push all the fat out! I actually ate pizza today, it smelled sooo good.. I couldn't resist. I feel like a giant tub of lard afterwards though. *sigh* I'm using perfume as an appetite suppressor now, the smell gives me a headache and makes me feel nauseous so food is yucky. I don't wanna eat another bite all day after eating nasty greasy pizza. Damn roommates.
I'm drinking lovely, awesome, no calorie herbal tea and I plan to get some more soon since I'm not fond of this kind, it's black cherry berry, ew. That seems more like a kind of juice than tea.
Well, not going shopping till monday or tuesday so all thats in the house right now is super high calorie crap, might as well fast till then.
Been thinking of some kind of punishment for eating things like today, like having to clean or something if I eat when I'm not supposed to, cause I'm into things like that. :P Oh well, tired now, I'll think more on that later.

Why?

So I've decided to start this blog to get my feelings out in a place where people close to me can't read them and can't criticize, where people who share my suffering can offer support or feedback or whatever. I just need someplace anonymous where I can vent and have other ana girls to talk to. I'm 21 years old and I've been 'pro-ana' for a couple years now and I've only recently discovered that there was such a huge possibility of connecting with other girls like me online. I never had anyone to talk to about it in real life and was kind of a "duh" moment when I realized there was so many other ana girls like me online.