Freaking out

I am like seriously freaking the hell out right now! I somehow gained SIX pounds in a week! WTF! I am so totally fasting this week. God I wanna cry every time I step on my scale. Disappointed is a huge understatement right now too. I don't even want to be here at the moment, I wanna be in my room not eating. Bleh

ABC 1 week food plan

Ok so I decided to keep myself from slipping up I'm going to plan out every single thing I'm going to eat for a week and leave a couple calories extra incase I want to binge and I can just have a piece of fruit or a bite of cereal or something.



Day 4 - Sunday April 5th - 400 cals--liquid fast:
fruit & veggie smoothie
1 apple = 72
1 banana = 175
3 strawberries = 12
4 carrots = 20
3 lettuce leaves = 4
2 spinach leaves = 14
fat-free yogurt = 100
total: 397 calories

Day 5 - Monday April 6th - 100 cals--liquid fast:
Apple strawberry lettuce smoothie
1 apple = 72
5 lettuce leaves = 5
4 strawberries = 15
total: 92 calories

Day 6 - Tuesday April 7th - 200 cals--liquid fast
Green smoothie
2 spinach leaves = 14
4 lettuce leaves = 4
5 strawberries = 20
1/2 banana = 88
5 carrot = 26
total: 152 calories

Day 7 - Wednesday April 8th - 300 cals
1 piece of chocolate = 17
Cream of chicken soup = 200
salad w/ dressing = 54
total: 271 calories

Day 8 - Thursday April 9th - 400 cals
weight watchers dinner = 320
Lemon pepper fish
rice pilaf
broccoli
caramel apple crisp
1 piece of chocolate = 17
total: 337 calories

Day 9 - Friday April 10th - 500 cals (omg so much)
1/2 muffin = 350
jello = 10
pears = 80
1 piece of chocolate = 17
total: 457 (eh, pretty far under, maybe I'll pick up some low-cal sweets)

Day 10 - Saturday April 11th - water fast

ABC

So I've been thinking about how much I need to get on track, especially after that freakin cookie, so I've decided to start the ABC diet today.
Ana Boot Camp
I need to kick my weight loss back in drive. I checked my weight today and found that I've gained 2 more pounds and that's unacceptable. I feel extra fat today after seeing that. I'm such a failure. Just seeing food today is making me sick thinking about those 2 extra fucking pounds!
Sigh
Well I'll kick myself into gear with ABC, that's for sure. I'll keep my journal updated with every single calorie to make sure I stick with the diet.
I'm gonna look at lots of thinspiration and listen to thinspiring songs to rev myself up.

Cookies are evil!

So I got paid yesterday and I went shopping to get some low cal goodies and of course took my roomies with me and they got those little debbie oatmeal cookies. I was doing so good on my calories yesterday until those cookies sat on the counter staring at me and calling me all evening. Evil evil, horrible creations! So after resisting most of the night I ended up having one anyway. They're 170 cals a piece, which isn't too bad, I had about 600 calories total with the food I ate yesterday and I cleaned the entire house (and it was a mess) and did some conditioning for 2 and a half hours.
So let's see..

Toast: +80 cal
Pink Lemonaid: +5 cal
Chicken, veggie, potato dinner: +375 cal
Evil cookie: +170 cal
Total: +630 cal
Ew. Way too many calories, ick. No wonder I'm so freaking fat.

1 hour heavy cleaning: -234 cal
1.5 hours shopping: -293 cal
2 hour workout routine: -988 cal
Total: -1515 cal

Subtotal: -885 cal

Ok so I guess thats not too horrible. But I need to stay away from those awful cookies! Living with other people sucks sometimes, if I was alone here I wouldn't even buy cookies. But oh well, I have to stay on track today! Haven't eaten anything so far this morning except water, so lets see if I can stay under 400 cals today!

Purpose

I feel so fat today, I actually ate a hotdog of all things. Not like I have much choice at the moment, there's not much food in the house till payday, I have around 10 dollars in the bank right now which needs to go to gas and catfood till I get paid. But oh well, I just wont eat anything else today, that hotdog was around 250 calories or so with the bun and all.
Sigh.
I think thats the sign that today is not going to be a good day for me. my boyfriend and I haven't been doing good lately, getting close to 8 months together and he's starting to get really cold. Not like I deserve him really but I don't want to lose him..