About Me

My photo
First of all, I'd like to say that if you don't have an eating disorder but wish you did and are here to find out how to develop one, please go back the way you came. Wannarexics are not welcome here. Eating disorders are not diets, they are not fads and they are not "cool". If you do have an eating disorder and find anything in this journal helpful, you're welcome to it and I wish you the best. I am here to support others with their disorders and to be supported myself, it's our bodies and we make our own choices. Always remember, you are BEAUTIFUL and you are LOVED! <3 "What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you." -Valerie, V for Vendetta

Friday, February 5, 2010

Bipolarness and a new belt hole! \o/

Alright so today is a fairly decent day so far. I just got back from my psychologist and it turns out I have hypomania, which is a feature of bipolar II disorder and cyclothymia, so I think I have bipolar II disorder, according to her. But she says the meds I'm on are working and they're sort of balancing out my mood so she's gonna keep me on those for a while and see how I do. She also said it's ok for me to keep taking my meds while fasting (big weight off my shoulders) it'll probably just cause nausea (you can say that again), headaches and dizziness; but she said she'll have my doctor call me and talk to me about it too, just so I'm fully informed, which is cool.
I haven't moved from 156 again though, I think I might be losing even less than 1 lb a day, it's more like half a pound a day, if that. But, it's weird, I'm not losing weight according to my scale, but my belt is down one hole, I am now at the 3rd hole, where just a few days ago I was at the 2nd. So maybe I'm not losing weight but I'm losing inches? I wouldn't mind that so much, as long as I DO keep losing weight.
I started writing a list of all the cravings I get while fasting. At first I thought it might be a bad idea, but I decided to do it anyway and also write the causes of these cravings. That way, I can see what causes most of my cravings and avoid them, and at the end of my fast I can see if I still have these cravings or if they actually went away and were just a product of a lack of food.
Anyways, I feel pretty good today, I think a lot of the toxins are finally leaving my system and I feel a bit more energetic than before and not nearly as sick and my skin is so much softer and clearer too and I can smell everything. My neighbors were cooking some breakfast food the other day and I could smell it through the walls, it was like pancakes and sausage and eggs or something like that and I could smell all of it. It smelled so good I was about to walk next door and ask them what they were cooking! Earlier today, I was outside and I could smell spices, like someone was preparing food somewhere and I could smell the spices they were using. And just a little bit ago, I swear I smelled McDonalds french fries. I don't know if I'm delusional and just smelling food everywhere (I doubt it) or if my nose and everything is cleared from the fast finally. It kinda sucks being able to smell every single food so well, but it's also really cool to be able to smell everything so much better.
I also got the new Star Trek movie and Push from the library today so I get to watch those later, finally! Woohoo!
Hopefully my day keeps going as well as it is right now.

0 comments: