ABC

So I've been thinking about how much I need to get on track, especially after that freakin cookie, so I've decided to start the ABC diet today.
Ana Boot Camp
I need to kick my weight loss back in drive. I checked my weight today and found that I've gained 2 more pounds and that's unacceptable. I feel extra fat today after seeing that. I'm such a failure. Just seeing food today is making me sick thinking about those 2 extra fucking pounds!
Sigh
Well I'll kick myself into gear with ABC, that's for sure. I'll keep my journal updated with every single calorie to make sure I stick with the diet.
I'm gonna look at lots of thinspiration and listen to thinspiring songs to rev myself up.

Cookies are evil!

So I got paid yesterday and I went shopping to get some low cal goodies and of course took my roomies with me and they got those little debbie oatmeal cookies. I was doing so good on my calories yesterday until those cookies sat on the counter staring at me and calling me all evening. Evil evil, horrible creations! So after resisting most of the night I ended up having one anyway. They're 170 cals a piece, which isn't too bad, I had about 600 calories total with the food I ate yesterday and I cleaned the entire house (and it was a mess) and did some conditioning for 2 and a half hours.
So let's see..

Toast: +80 cal
Pink Lemonaid: +5 cal
Chicken, veggie, potato dinner: +375 cal
Evil cookie: +170 cal
Total: +630 cal
Ew. Way too many calories, ick. No wonder I'm so freaking fat.

1 hour heavy cleaning: -234 cal
1.5 hours shopping: -293 cal
2 hour workout routine: -988 cal
Total: -1515 cal

Subtotal: -885 cal

Ok so I guess thats not too horrible. But I need to stay away from those awful cookies! Living with other people sucks sometimes, if I was alone here I wouldn't even buy cookies. But oh well, I have to stay on track today! Haven't eaten anything so far this morning except water, so lets see if I can stay under 400 cals today!

Purpose

I feel so fat today, I actually ate a hotdog of all things. Not like I have much choice at the moment, there's not much food in the house till payday, I have around 10 dollars in the bank right now which needs to go to gas and catfood till I get paid. But oh well, I just wont eat anything else today, that hotdog was around 250 calories or so with the bun and all.
Sigh.
I think thats the sign that today is not going to be a good day for me. my boyfriend and I haven't been doing good lately, getting close to 8 months together and he's starting to get really cold. Not like I deserve him really but I don't want to lose him..

Stressed

I feel so stressed today, my boyfriend and I have been having issues all day, he's being so cold to me today, I dunno what the hell it is but it's driving me crazy today. I'm alone right now so I can actually post in my blog during the day instead of after midnight when everyone is asleep. I have the worst headache in the world right now. I kinda wanna go take a nap. My stomach is growling right now and even that isn't making me feel better, I'm empty as can be and my boyfriend is bringing me down.
I guess on the good side it's making me want to eat even less. It's probably silly but I feel like he wants to fight so we'll break up and he can get away from little miss fatty me. He's so handsome and fit and thin and he could definitely do better than me. I practically worship him, he's so perfect I'm amazed that he's even with me in the first place.
Anyways, all I had to day was a piece of plain white toast, the fattiest kind of course but we've got just about nothing in the house so I don't have much choice, it's only 80 calories so I guess it's not so bad.
My head is just pounding so I think I might actually go take a nap. Maybe my boyfriend will be in a better mood when I see him later.

Bleh, goal time!

It's been a while since I've written anything. I just feel so bored with life right now. Haven't been on the computer much lately and.. *sigh* I've gained weight. I feel so down right now. I guess on the good side some of my friends have noticed my weight loss and commented on how thin my face looks. That made me happy, I still feel fat but hearing things like that is so nice, my boyfriend commented on how thin my thighs have gotten too, that made me really happy. But I weighed myself today and I've gained 5 pounds. I feel so horrible after seeing that, all my fasting and starving and I gained weight?! Uhg, damn my slow metabolism. I feel so depressed.
Ok thats it, I'm making a goal. I am going to lose 10 pounds by Easter, that might be kinda ridiculous, I dunno, we'll see how it goes. I've got a little over 2 weeks to lose 10 pounds, I think I can do it, I mean I can lose at least 7 pounds easily with a little will power, so lets see if I can get serious and go for 10.